CHISTE

RECKLESS (BIBLE LOOPHOLE)

BUENÍSIMO!

CHISTE EN INGLÉS

Chicken Wire

Date: Mon, 3 May 1999 11:31:29 -0500

Chicken Wire

An old man in Mississippi was sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm.

He yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

Boy yells back "Roll of chicken wire."

Old man says "What you gonna do with that?"

Boy says "Gonna catch some chickens."

Old man yells "You damn fool, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire!"

Boy just laughs and keeps walking.

That evening at sunset the boy comes walking by and to the old man's surprise he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it.

Same time next morning the old man is out watching the sun rise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something kind of round in his hand.

Old man yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

Boy yells back "Roll of duck tape."

Old man says "What you gonna do with that?"

Boy says back "Gonna catch me some ducks."

Old man yells back, "You damn fool, you can't catch ducks with duck tape!"

Boy just laughs and keeps walking.

That night around sunset the boy walks by coming home and to the old man's amazement he is trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duck tape with about 35 ducks caught in it.

Same time next morning the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end.

Old man says "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

Boy says "It's a pussy willow."

Old man says "Wait up ... I'll get my hat."

INSTALLING A HUSBAND

INSTALLING A HUSBAND
Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Desperate
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
DEAR DESPERATE,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html, try to downloadTears 6.2, and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If those applications work as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.
Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1..0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0-program. This is an un supported application and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck!

Tech Support

GRACIAS MARISOL.

CHISTE

Van en un avion, ya saben...como siempre, el piloto da el anuncio...señores pasajeros, estaremos volando a 3000 km de altitud y calculamos un tiempo de vuelo de 4 horas y media con mínima turbulencia, les agradecemos volar con nosotros y quedamos a sus órdenes.

Al guey del piloto se le olvida apagar el micrófono y le dice al copiloto: (todo el mundo en el avión los escucha por el altavoz): "Puta, no mames, ahora si...voy a poner el piloto automático, me voy a echar una buena caca y después me voy a coger a alguna de estas azafatas, como la ves?"

En eso, la azafata se da cuenta de que todo el mundo los escucha y sale corriendo hacia la cabina a parar el problema.

Una viejita en una de las filas de hasta adelante la ve corriendo a toda velocidad hacia la cabina y cuando pasa le mete el pie. La azafata tropieza y voltea a ver a la viejita como diciendo, que pedo? pq me haces esto? La viejita le dice: perate puta, primero dejalo que cague!!

jajaja.
Espero que haga tanta gracia leído como contado.

ABDUL

Do you speak English
- Yes!
- Name?
- Abdul al-Rhazib.
- Sex?
- Three to five times a week.
- No, no...I mean male or female?
- Yes, male, female, sometimes camel.
- Holy cow!
- Yes, cow, sheep, animals in general.
- But isn't that hostile?
- Horse style, doggy style, free style, any style!
- Oh dear!
- No, no! Deer run too fast...

POINTS OF VIEW

SUCCES

Buenísimo.

At age 4, success is...not peeing in your pants.
At age 12, success is...having friends.
At age 16, success is...having a driver's license.
At age 20, success is...having sex.
At age 35, success is...having money.
At age 50, success is...having money.
At age 60, success is...having sex.
At age 70, success is...having a driver's license.
At age 75, success is...having friends.
At age 90, success is...not peeing in your pants.

CLOWN HEAD

ja,ja,ja,ja buenísimo.

DIFERENTES FORMAS

PLUG WHORES

BUENÍSIMO.

40 FORMAS DE ENTENDER QUE ESTO ES UNA TRAMPA y OLD BOY

Hijo, estos están buenísimos. Hay varios que no tienen desperdicio alguno.

Chequen el comentario de Groucho, algo muy interesante sobre la película de Mamet.

Y si, tienen toda la razón. No se que hace Snatch en esa lista. Pero igual es muy buena, y es mejor la anterior de Ritchie: "Luck, stock and two smoking barrels".

Y para los amantes del cine: les dejo aqui la mejor película de los últimos 50,000 años (a veces me gusta exagerar un poco), muy violenta por cierto. Con ustedes: Old Boy, del Coreano Chan Wook Park.

Ya está en los blockbusters que tienen sección de cine de arte. Ej. el de la del valle, el de condesa y el de virreyes.

CHISTE

Va un tipo al proctólogo, y resulta que en vez de atenderlo un doctor, lo atiende una doctora super joven y sexy.

Total, le pide que se baje los pantalones para empezar con el tacto.

Después de un momento, la doctora le dice: "Señor, creo que va tener que dejar de masturbarse"

Paciente: "Por qué?

Doctora: "Porque lo estoy revisando"

Ja, ja, ja (risas enlatadas)

MUSEO DE HISTORIA NATURAL 2050

Veanlo bien, con detenimiento, disfruuuuuutenlo. Me hizo el viernes. Es muy bueno. Yo se de alguien que por ahi estaria feliz de ver esto hecho realidad. Es una pobre madre joven ya trastornada por el personaje que veran a continuacion.

Ya les habia diche de santiago creel? cual es su colmo?


que lo corrieron del PAN por comerse un bizcochito! Ja!!